... so i skipped my doctor's appointment... but the matter of importance is that i did in fact scheduled one.. .whether i made it there or not is of the least significance when the very fact that i booked an appointment is worthy of celebration...

... i had intentions of going but when i came down to it, i panicked...

…or maybe I never did… I don’t know…

... being very scared of doctors is kinds of a contradiction in its own right... why be afraid of the healer rather than the hurt?...

... as my list of bodily concerns grows i'm going to book another one for this week... perhaps tell people that i have one...

...because if the doctor is scary, disappointing loved ones is even more so when they discover my apparent disconcern for my personal health....

... i'm still trying to determine why i started to blog in the first place....

... i have yet to annouce and maintain probably that i never will this very blogs exisitance....

... i fact if you do discover its exisitance... keep it to yourself...

... i think i just want memories... not specifically memories but something to look back and remeber how i felt during this time...

...people always say this is the best time of your life... so dammit if i don't remeber how if felt...

...do you ever feel like your going through life holding your breath... in anticipation that something big is going to happen and it will be completely out of your control...

...that when that something happens it will be a shot to the stomach that will leave you stunned and searching for your breath...

...but after you find it you discover that breathing is really much easier than you ever expected and you should just let it come naturally rather than over analyzing it....

...yeah.... *big breath*