... i remember seeing 30+s on tv saying they would never return to their twenties and as great as they were they were also the most difficult years of their life... i'm starting to get it... and i am afraid for the next ten years...

... i wish i was stronger or more carefree... mostly i wish that i felt like a had a destination... at least one that was a little more defined...

... waiting on the unknown is terrible...

... when did being in love stop being enough?...

... when did we become to old to be hopelessly romantic and unrealistic?...

... someone take me back to the days of love notes, cheap flowers and sly glances... when the future was just that... the future... we live for today and breath in the moment... that around every corner was a new adventure and excitement an everyday occurrence...

... in the end i'm not unhappy... in fact the exact opposite... i'm in love... i have beautiful caring friends... i have a lifetime before me...

... it's a long road...

... i guess this is what the 20s are about... having no fucking clue what you want or where to get it...

... i received a forward yesterday... and instead of the normal "delete right away" technique i gave it a shot... possibly because it was from someone i wasn't used to receiving junk from so figured it must be worth it...

...they were right... this one was different... it was called "Happiness is Voyage" and it jumped out in power point format on to my computer...

...everything including the title was sappy but i eat it right up but with out reason and i feel the need to pass their words on to you... not because it was cute but because it spoke to me in a way i know others could appreciate... a real-ness that everybody needs now and then...

...it said...

"for the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. real life. but there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. then life would start. i finally came to understand that those obstacles were life. ... that point of view helped me see that there isn’t any road to happiness. happiness IS the road."

"happiness is a voyage, not a destination."

... i am part of a team...

... in my youth sporting events had never been a big part of my life but merly activities to pass the time and perhaps raise my heartrate above resting point...

... recently i started playing baseball... i know what you must think... so what... it's just a game...

... but to me it's being part of a team... getting over my anxieties of doing badly and putting myself out there... depending on my fellow teammates for support and at times to push me to do something that frightens me...

... there is really no descibing it...

... but walking on to that field i am part of a rush, an excitement and a bond that pulls us together towards a common goal...

... not of winning but of fun, memories, and frienship....

... i hate being disappointed.... but even more so i hate setting myself up for disappointment...

... i get excited about something so trivial... and then it doesn't work out and i'm angry...

... that angry is then directed at the people that i care about most... people who really have nothing to do with my being upset in the first place...

... i feel bad almost immediately afterwards but by then it is too late and the damage is done... and all i can do is apologize which at times seems insignificant...

... i need to learn to control my emotions or more importantly how to deal with disappointment...

...because really this is part of life

.. i am sorry